Loving you
by ITILY
Summary: Mello, dear Mello, always full of pride, always unpredictable, impulsive, insufferable and devilish-and yet I find myself falling for him despite his shortcomings, despite the painful memories he has given me, because I know he's the only one who can give me happiness. seme Mello XNear, seme NearXMello, M for smut and rape. Oneshot. Please R&R.


**Warning : Contains Rape!**

**Loving you**

Salty, damp air clung to my skin tightly like a wool blanket in summer. Drowsily, I blinked my eyes open, annoyed at the heat enveloping me. Orange light hit my eyes, I squinted, trying to be my usual objective self as I studied my new surrounding. The sea swished noisily back and forth against the shore, sparkling like the lights of New York during new years as the sun shone in the distance touching the blue mountains and islands that complemented the color of the waters. I watched, finding myself mildly appreciating the scenery which would be considered serene, if not for the fact that I had no idea where I was.

"Awake are we?" the familiar voice with its usual flair came from beside me.

I tried not to look like I was caught off guard as I stared flatly at the blonde, studying his face, which was for once not scratched up or bruising. A small part of me couldn't help admiring the way sunlight curved around his smooth skin, reflecting a perfectly sculpted nose, a sharp jaw-line and lips that I'm sure women would kill to be kissed with, especially against his tanned honey colored skin as the canvas, his looks were practically a crime against nature to have.

"Mello," I greeted slowly, feeling less anxious now that I found the culprit to my current predicament, "you look well," I offered listlessly.

A clever smirk curled up his lips, "I've been well," he answered, his smirk growing, forming a little dent in his cheek, almost like a dimple. He held me in his blue eyes, an emotion which I didn't see often shone beneath them. He really did look well, but more than that, he looked happy. I stared, willing myself not to look away, despite the shearing pain I felt in my chest.

A long moment passed in silence, with the same moist breeze blowing against my skin as we gazed at each other. I knew it wasn't one of those staring fights we often had, but I didn't want to look away, afraid that I might never get to see him like this again, content, peaceful and right next to me. The smirk on his face had turned into something softer, as he watched me watching him, blinking lazily, I couldn't help thinking how the sea paled in comparison with the brilliant blue of his eyes.

I took as much time as I could staying inside his gaze, until I started to feel an unwarranted sensation pooling in my belly. Carefully, I peeled my eyes away from him, twirling a lock of hair to calm myself as I returned my gaze to the steady waves coming and going.

"Where am I?" I asked, though there was no urgency in my tone, on the contrary, I sounded relaxed.

The mischievous smirk found its way back to his lips, "At the beach, of course."

I sighed, expecting that, there was no way around his attitude sometimes. "Which beach?" I specified, giving him a bored look.

He paused, pondering, I knew whatever answer came next was probably going to be a lie. After a moment of thought, he answered, "My beach." Not a lie, but not an answer, I tried not to sigh.

"Why did you bring me here?" I attempted to maneuver my way around his vague answers, hoping I'll get some useful information.

Something flicked across his face, he quickly pulled it back into a smirk, but I had caught it. For a split second, his composure broke, allowing something deep and sorrowful to seep through the gap. A lump formed in my throat, making it difficult to breath as a million thoughts raced through my mind.

I was about to unleash my uneasiness with an intensive interrogation session when he gently reached over and placed his left hand on my right, "I wanted to see you," he said so tenderly that I thought my hand was going to melt like ice under the sun.

My eyes stared intently at the hand on mine, calculating, analyzing, hypothesizing. It was warm and slightly clammy from the weather, just like mine, making it impossible to deny it from being anything but real. My heart squeezed, an unbearable pain spread from where it beat erratically to the rest of my body, it hurt like nothing I've ever felt before. I shut my eyes tightly, my body shaking, trying to reject the emotion that I had abandoned so long ago.

"Mello," the name escaped my lips. I didn't know why I had called him, maybe I was begging, pleading him not to murder me with this unforgivable joy. Because if I shatter this time, I don't know if I can ever be fixed again.

I can't…

"Near," he cooed, cupping my hand in his caringly. I opened my eyes, my lashes now damped as I turned to face him, trying to keep that emotionless mask in place. "It's alright Near, I know, we don't have to talk about it," he comforted, wearing a sad smile, running his thumb in circles on my hand soothingly. "I'm sorry," he choked, gritting his teeth tightly, he looked like he was going through the same pain I was. Slowly, he brought my hand to his lips, placing a kiss on my knuckles, then he gave me a sidelong look, the naughty smile perking up again, "It's okay, we can take our time here, there's no rush. I'll make it up to you, I swear," he promised, still speaking in that ambiguous manner. I remained quiet, for the first time, not looking forward to answers which I didn't know if I was prepared to hear.

The wind blew in his golden hair as he held my hand to his face, I welcomed his touch silently, captivated by the look of satisfaction he wore. It took another minute before he reluctantly rose from the wooden chair, though his hand remained wrapped around mine. "Come on, lets go for a walk," he ushered, I stood up stiffly, going along with his lead.

He paused when I stood, scanning me from head to toe, then he quirked up a grin, ruffling my tousled hair. "You're taller," he commented offhandedly. I blinked at him, the comment making me realize that we were now at eye level. His hand slid down from my hair to my cheek, blue eyes grading me, I wondered what he thought of me after these five years, now that I'm an adult and no longer that chubby-cheeked adolescent.

"You look handsome," he said honestly. I looked away, feeling queasy and a little upset. Mello had always teased me for my looks, but this was too odd. My fingers reached for my hair as I tried not to frown, the unsettling feeling sprouting seeds in my head which was ten times worst than what I felt before, I was sure I would falter. Mello no longer thought that I look like a girl, every brain cell seemed to echo the same thought over and over. Chills showed on my skin as my lower lip began to tremble when I realized that Mello wouldn't feel the same way about me now that I've grown out of my old looks.

Thankfully, Mello had turned and started to walk ahead, his back now facing me as he lead me by the hand along the beach, not noticing my horrible revelation. I stared down at my feet, forcing the emotions into oblivion and putting on my perfectly placid face. By the time Mello began slowing down his pace so that we walked side by side, I was already chained and locked, the key buried in a bottomless pit.

We walked slowly, our footprints trailed in the fine white sand from where the cabin stood all along the shore, side by side. We had walked enough for me to start feeling wary of my peculiar surrounding, and began internally questioning why the place was so bare and why there weren't anyone else around. I was about to put forth the question when Mello stole my chance.

"I've always wanted to spend time with you like this," he said, almost to himself.

My attention shifted, the emptiness of the place could wait, a Mello who was ready to talk wasn't. "Why didn't you?" I asked coldly, my eyes on his face which was slightly turned away from my view, like he was ashamed.

"I don't know," he grimaced, looking down, "It's strange because I used to have so many reasons-excuses, but now I can't think of any," he answered dismally.

We became silent again, our footsteps becoming even slower as we approached one of the rocky parts of the shore. I followed him, stepping up a few large algae-grown rocks till we reached a good spot to sit down, looking out at the dimming light at the horizon. His hand remained on mine, but it felt more like a leash to keep me from running now.

"Do you hate me?" his voice fluttered in the chilly air, blue eyes darkening like night that was turning the water black.

My eyes were fixed on his, unable to contain my frustration, anger and hurt. "Did you ever love me?" I asked icily, wanting to hurt as much as I've been hurt.

His eyes widened, obviously wounded by my words, "Near, I love you, I always have," he responded in a heartbeat.

I turned, pulling my hand out of his grasp to twirl my hair, another hand hugging my knee to my chest. I can't afford to be swayed by these emotions, not again.

"Was it fun?" my voice was so hostile even I didn't recognize it. "Did you have fun toying with me?" I shut my eyes tightly, my words hurting myself, the memories I thought I had buried coming back to life from the grave.

The sound of something snapping made me turn my tired eyes from my tarot cards to my bed, suddenly aware of the dark figure lurking in the shadow. White teeth flashed at me, slowly a devious blue eye peeked out at me from the darkness.

"Playing with cards again? And here I thought you were pulling an all-nighter with the case," he taunted, taking another bite from the tin-covered chocolate bar. Snap.

"Mello," I exhaled lethargically, it was too late in the night for me to be dealing with anyone. "Did you forget something?" I inquired, curling and uncurling a lock of my hair, replaying what had happened earlier that day when Mello walked in with a gun to Halle's temple.

"Yeah, I did," he huffed, lying back on the bed, disappearing into the shadows. "Come here," he invited, causing me to raised an eyebrow.

"Mello, if there's something you need-" I began warily.

"Indulge me Near," he interrupted, obviously annoyed that I wasn't complying.

I gave it a moment's thought, then sighed, realizing that the only way to get rid of him was to give him what he wants. Languidly, I got up, padding over to the bed.

"Will you tell me what is it you need now?" I asked, really not in the mood for his midnight games.

"As soon as you come here," he answered, motioning his hand for me to come nearer.

Hesitantly, I crawled on the bed, looking at him impassively. He rolled his eyes, tugging my wrist forcefully, I fell on the bed and he quickly pinned me down, crawling on top of me. His cerulean blue eyes looked at me maliciously, licking his lips.

"Mello, what are you doing?" I sighed, his behavior was really starting to get on my nerves.

He ignored me, stroking my face with his hand, causing me to shudder. "You like games, don't you Near?" he leered, obviously up to no good. I didn't bother to answer, giving him a blank bored look. "How bout we have a little game?" His face inched closer, the glint in his eyes was almost demonic. I stayed silent, not any much intimidated as I would be facing a toaster.

"I'm going to catch Kira," he said definitively, "and when I do, I want something from you, a prize," he uttered into my ear.

He paused, and I waited, somewhat curious on where he was going with this. "Your virginity," he said finally, chuckling lowly.

I couldn't stop myself from rolling my eyes, completely losing interest now.

"Is that so?" I said dully, "Well, that's assuming IF you catch Kira first, and you and I know that's highly unlikely. And since you have nothing that I want as a prize, this game is completely pointless."

His eyes hardened, his temper flaring. "Don't be so full of yourself, I have a plan, and this time I'll win, and when I do, you will take off your clothes and give yourself to me willingly," he growled, digging his nails into my wrists.

I rolled my eyes a second time, not bothering to hide my irritation. "It seems this game is only one sided, just like the meaningless rivalry you have against me. If that's all you have to say, you may leave now," I replied, trying to get out from under his weight.

He held me down, glaring fiercely. "I'm not done!" he seethed. I struggled a little more, then gave up, clearly not strong enough to throw him off.

I lied down, staring up at the blonde who seemed to be satisfied that I had stopped moving. "I have something you want," he sneered now that he has my attention. Gently, his finger traced my bottom lip, I fought the urge to pull away since his eyes were practically ordering me to stay still.

"I've always been watching you," he whispered, "You were quiet and always on your own. You were the only one who looked like you didn't have anything else you wanted in the world than to be L. Like you were content. But I know," his voice grew softer like he was unveiling a secret, "I know the look on your face when one of the Whammy kids gets adopted."

He paused, holding my face, blue eyes now light and hazy, "You want to be loved," he said firmly.

My eyes widened before I could stop them, my heart thumping loudly in my ears. I tried to feed myself logic, like telling myself it was normal, that that was what every orphan wished for, it wasn't a surprise that Mello had guessed. And yet there I was, holding my breath, suddenly petrified that someone has put my inner most hidden desires into words. I was exposed and I was scared, because that desire opposed everything that I believed in, to be critical, rational, robotic and perfect. I didn't need something as illusive as love, it was fragile, unpredictable and easily lost, just like my parents who had deserted me, that's what I taught myself for years, so why does the mere mention of love now seem to loosen every screw on my impenetrable armor?

Mello grinned viciously at my reaction, "I can give you that. Near," he hushed his voice, now barely audible, "I can love you," he tempted.

Bit by bit, he leaned down, his lips ghosting over mine. I gasped, feeling my cheeks flush. "No, you can't," I rejected weakly, telling myself it was a lie, a powerful sorrow poisoning my mind.

He looked at me seriously, and with the most stern face, said to me, "I have all along." Forcefully, he closed the gap between us, pressing his lips painfully against mine with a passion, his tongue quickly gaining access to my mouth, urging me to move together with his rhythm. He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me closer as we kissed like lovers who had just survived the Titanic. I tangled my fingers into his hair, hearing him moan with pleasure. The more we kissed, the more I was starting to believe that he could actually keep his word and make it come true.

I thought the night would never end and then he broke the kiss, just as easily as he had initiated it. I held onto him, panting for air, on the verge of tears from the swell I felt in my chest.

He pressed his fingers to my lips, hushing me. "Not yet," he smiled impishly. "Not until there's a winner." Prying my hands away from him, he got off the bed and started walking toward the door, my eyes trailed after him desperately, a new kind of sadness swallowed me.

"See you at the finish line."

I'm such a fool. I had believed every word he said to me that night, and clumsily, I fell in love with him. He must've known, that must've been his plan all along, to lead me astray and then left me lost and alone, holding on to a promise that he would have never kept. A tear rolled down my cheek, hearing his low chuckle in the dark whenever I closed my eyes, laughing at how gullible I was to have trusted him.

"You're a liar," I murmured bitterly. "I play with toys, but you play with people's feelings."

A hand touched my shoulder, pulling me towards the blonde, as he guided my face to rest on his chest. I was too emotionally exhausted to pushed him away, allowing him to hold me. "I never meant to leave you," his voice shook, one hand running through my curls. "I want you to know that I meant every word I said, it wasn't a game, I'm sorry if I made it seem like one, I was an idiotic bastard," he apologized sincerely.

I shook my head, "It doesn't matter, you broke your promise," I replied, putting space between us again.

A small apologetic smile formed on his lips. "No I haven't, I can still give you what I promised," he said, taking my hand and looking into my eyes with a new flame burning in his azure eyes, "I'm sorry that I made you wait this long." His hand moved up to my chin, blue eyes cloudy, leaning closer.

"Prove it," I whispered, touching his cheek with mine, feeling his warm breath blowing against my ear.

"With pleasure," he replied, a sly smile forming on his lips as he took my hand, leading the way back to the cabin.

We ran like little children, hand in hand, all the way back. The air felt like ice, cutting through my skin, but I didn't let it slow me down, having never felt so driven in my life. My ears were soaked with Mello's laughter and the sound of my own pants, my heart racing from exercise and anticipation, in front of me, Mello would glance over his shoulder at me every now and again, his face youthful and alight, reminding me constantly of the goal I was pursuing.

Bursting through the door, Mello immediately took hold of me, hoisting me up around his waist as he ravished my mouth. I closed my eyes, feeling giddy and reckless, returning his feverish kiss as my hands dug into the back of his head. It felt like something had just erupted, heat burning our skin and lips even though we had been freezing outside just a moment ago, and molten passion flowing from me to him and him to me as our tongues danced a fiery tune with each other.

It wasn't until my back was against the mattress that I realized we had already entered the bedroom, being completely preoccupied by the way Mello was running his hand down my pants. Subconsciously, I had to applaud him for being able to be as sensible as to walk us to the room and close the door, whereas I was barely able to keep my breathing in check, let alone take notice of the surroundings. Mello must've also realize how inept I was at sex as he started to take off my clothes and his own clothes, while still keeping me busy with fervent kisses.

He unbuttoned my baggy shirt skillfully, trailing kisses from my lips to my jaw, down to my neck, sucking on my jugular vein like he was thirsty for my blood. I gasped at first, my voice quickly turning into something I've never heard myself make before, making me flush a deep red.

"Mello," I voiced, now completely aware that I was moaning as he took off my shirt and licked my exposed nipple. His warm tongue ran in circles around the pink bud, before he took it between his lips and started sucking while playing with the other, rolling it with his thumb and index. I arched my back, not really sure how I should cope with all the new sensations my body was receiving, but from the sound of my voice, it seemed like I was really enjoying it.

Mello continued to travel lower, pulling my pants and underwear off in one swift movement. My cheeks flared as I reflexively flinched, trying to close my legs. I heard a chuckle, causing me to look down at Mello at my legs, he was eyeing me in a way that made me feel very uncomfortable.

"Don't be shy," he smiled, placing his hands on my knees, forcing them apart. I instinctively shut my eyes when I saw my erection, this being only the third time I've seen it, it gets even more embarrassing every time it happens.

"You're beautiful," Mello's sweet voice made me blink my eyes open, instantly blushing when he pulled his black pants down to reveal his much larger manhood. I averted my gaze, but the image I just saw was already engraved into my mind.

Mello lowered his body, laying his weight carefully on me, his voice coming close to my ear, "Look Near, we're the same," he said huskily, his erection pressing into mine. "It means we want to be together," he whispered, holding my chin and making me look at him before kissing me again.

His hand reached down, holding our erection together, rubbing them against each other. The friction caused stars to burst behind my eyes, our moans mingling in harmony as we kissed, a sheen of sweat covering our bodies. It felt so good, and it kept getting better, I wanted more and more, but then Mello stopped, causing me to groan at the lost of contact. He pulled away from the kiss unwillingly, I looked at him with a frown, he simply smiled, "Patience, all good things come to those who wait." I cocked my head, a little amused at the use of a phrase which clashes completely with his personality.

Mello opened the drawer next to the bed and pulled out a bottle of lubricant, I eyed it nervously, suddenly realizing where this was going. My heart flapped like a hummingbird as I watched Mello spread the gel like substance over his fingers, a smirk on his face, obviously eager for this.

"Mello…" I started softly, feeling a little doubtful, "…be gentle.." I said, knowing that asking him to make this painless was going to be impossible.

"I will, don't worry, it'll feel good in awhile," he assured, pushing the first digit into me. I winced, biting my lips, feeling sick from anxiety. Mello moved his finger in and out slowly, trying to get the muscles to comply. "Relax," he said, putting in the second finger and then he started scissoring my entrance, widening it. I tried my best not to fight the invading appendage as Mello pushed in a third finger, rolling and scissoring. He continued moving his fingers in different angles, until he hit something inside that made me curl my toes and moan his name.

"Ah Mello!" I gripped the sheets as his fingers grazed that spot over and over, making my insides suck them in lustfully, not wanting to let go as he removed them.

I grimaced, hazily opening my eyes to see what was the cause of the interruption. Mello was positioned between my legs, his ocean blue eyes looking at me glassily, "I love you Near," he murmured, kissing me gently before pressing him erection into me.

My eyes widened as my body contorted in pain, a scream escaped my lips, "Mello! No, it hurts! Please stop, it doesn't fit!" I yelled frantically, my insides cramming as his large erection pushed deeper.

"Shh, it's okay Near, I love you," he calmed, stroking my hair and holding my body against his.

"It hurts Mello," I cried quietly, feeling afraid, pain has always been my weakness.

"I love you, just hold on for a little longer, it'll feel good again soon," he promised, muffling my cries with tender kisses as he made his way slowly inside, completely submerging himself. He stayed there for awhile, just taking a moment to enjoy his achievement I suppose. He wanted my virginity and now he has it, he has his prize, my body froze when I realize this, tears prickling at the corner of my eyes, suddenly there was this wary feeling that he would leave me like this, take back everything he promised, and he wouldn't love me anymore.

The moment passed, and Mello pulled out, the tear that I'd been holding back slid down my face, my fear had become a reality. Then suddenly, he rammed back into me, shocking me. My body stiffened at the force, pain traveling up my spine.

"AHHH! NO! PLEASE!" I begged, wondering if this was the continuation of his sick games.

He froze abruptly, staring at my no doubt tear-stained face, worry carved itself into his features. "Sorry, I'll try to slow down, don't cry, it'll get better, I promise." There he goes again with his promises, can I really trust him?

He slowed down, just like he said he would, but my insides still burned, a part of me wanted him to stop and another part of me didn't want to let him go, so I stayed silent as he thrust in and out, finding his place inside me.

"Ah!" I threw my head back when he brushed against that pleasant spot again, unable to hold back my voice.

A smile formed on Mello's lips and he began picking up speed, his movement fluid-like as he assaulted that area over and over, sending shivers through my body. I moaned in pleasure, wrapping my legs around his waist and my hands fisting into his hair.

"Mello…please…"I gasped, not knowing what I was asking for.

"Near, god," he returned, voice strained, though I didn't quite understand why he had called out to me and God at the same time.

"Ngh More!" I finally breathed out, baffled by my choice of word, but Mello seemed to understand perfectly as he slammed into me harder and faster, eliciting all sorts of sounds from our bodies and the bed.

Pleasure kept building up in me as he moved, till a point where I thought I couldn't handle any more, "Mello! No, I!" I cried, curling my toes as I dissolved, my substance flowing out of me like a loose faucet.

"Near!" I heard him call in my euphoria, feeling warm fluid filling me. I sighed, shuddering, feeling full and complete.

Slowly, the white spots that clouded my vision disappeared, I breathed, dissipating in the aftermath. Mello lied down next to me, pulling me into his arms, giving me a light peck on the forehead, whispering 'goodnight' before falling into a peaceful slumber, a smile still on his lips.

I watched him with heavily lidded eyes, hearing the waves and the trees swaying in rhythm outside, the moonlight casting a pale glow in the room, it's hard to believe that two of the world's greatest detectives just made love in it. It's hard to believe…my mind whispered in the background as I fell asleep as well.

The smell of eggs and toast woke me subtly from bed, I blinked tiredly at the bright sunlight coming in from the window, turning to see the bed empty next to me. Panic filled my mind, and I sat up quickly, which was a mistake as pain jolted up my spine. I tried to stand up, but my legs gave out, causing me to collapse to the floor, feeling more physically useless than I normally did.

"Near?" Mello's voice came, "What are you doing on the floor?" he asked, arching an eyebrow, in his hands was a tray of what looked like breakfast-in-bed.

"Nothing," I mumbled evasively, practically dragging myself into bed again, covering my naked body with the sheets.

Mello placed down the tray on the bed, looking at me with a frown, "You shouldn't move around too much."

I nodded, grabbing a piece of egg-toasted bread, suddenly aware of how famished I was. I took a bite out of the odd looking toast, surprised at how good it tasted.

"This is delicious," I mumbled in between munches.

"Thanks, my mom taught me how to make them," he responded lightly, as if it was something that happened yesterday. I found it odd, especially since he was always the kind to get upset when anyone brought up his past, and now he's talking about his mother so easily, like she was still alive, but I didn't question it, keeping my mouth full with food.

After breakfast, Mello invited me for another walk on the beach. He knew that it wouldn't be possible after what we did last night, so I wondered why he had suggested such a task, his answer was to go down on one knee and ask me to get on his back.

"Hop on," he said nonchalantly. I twirled my hair, wondering if that was really necessary or was Mello just trying to get an upper hand, though I'm not sure in what.

"Come on, I'm not going to throw you into the sea," he rolled his eyes, impatient as usual. Just because he had mentioned it, it then occurred to me that he might very well be planning to throw me into the sea.

Another moment passed, and Mello turned around to face me, looking confused and worried, "Hey, what's wrong?" he asked gently, "Don't you trust me?"

"Nothing," I shook my head, giving up and wrapping my arms around his neck, climbing on his back, "I just don't like being treated like a child," I lied, hoping he doesn't see through it.

"You're not a child," he got up, adjusting my weight on his back, his arms behind my knees, "You're a baby," he smirked, glancing back at me, "My baby."

Blood rushed to my cheeks, I ducked my head quickly to hide my embarrassment. "D-don't say such silly things," I stuttered out, earning a snicker.

Mello carried me towards the shore, it was a windy day with the breeze rustling the trees and the sun hidden behind the clouds, but my heart was thudding too loudly for me to take notice any of it, because every step Mello took, meant it was that much more likely that he was going to dump me into the water. I held on tighter as we approached the waves, squeezing my eyes shut as I braced myself for the impact, but it never came, instead Mello set me down a few feet from the shoreline, next to some shovels, buckets and toys.

I sat down on the sand, eyeing the objects, my heart swelling as I thought about how considerate he was being. Breakfast and sandcastles, he really did think of everything. "Thank you," I muttered, trying to hide my smile as I began shoveling some sand into a bucket. He smiled, taking off his shirt and lying on the sand, sunbathing, despite the fact that there was no sun.

I built and built, like how I always do, forming the arch and curvatures, the act of constructing things helping me to put my thoughts together.

"Mello," I began slowly, my voice turning hollow and indecipherable, finding it regrettable that I was going to spoil the ambience with my next sentence, but it was unavoidable, it was now or never, I needed my answers. He hummed, turning to view me through those glace eyes. "Did we make love?" I asked carefully.

He raised an eyebrow, a little entertained at my question. "Of course, just last night, I hope you haven't forgotten," he said, obviously humored.

I looked down, continuing my masterpiece as I put forth my next question, "Did you have sex with me because you love me?"

This time he sat up, his expression turning serious, "Yes, I love you, that's why I made love to you," he answered, holding my chin so that I couldn't avoid his gaze, "What are you thinking Near?" his brows pressed together.

I shrugged, acting detached, "You wanted a prize…You won," I smiled weakly, glancing down to hide the tide of sadness capsizing me.

The waves continued their motion as silence and tension fell between us. A long moment passed before Mello spoke, "Is that what you thought?" he asked, clenching his fists. I looked up at him through my bangs, watching him trying to control his rage.

"Is that what you thought when I told you I love you?" he asked, raising his voice. I kept my face blank, but inside I shriveled, wishing there was somewhere to hide.

"That's what you were thinking when I was inside of you!" he yelled, shaking with anger, but his eyes were still wide with disbelief as if he doesn't want to accept it as the truth.

"It's been a long time," I cut in, unable to keep silent, "I've waited for you for so long…" I choked, tears stinging my eyes. "You left me…why…why would you love me now?" my voice shook, growing smaller.

He stared at me, crystal blue eyes clearer than I've ever seen them, reflecting all the shades of pain, sadness and regret. I watched him apathetically, heartlessly, cold as the lifeless doll he mocked me to be, protecting myself, locking myself away, being unbearably selfish. Why would Mello love someone like me? I was just a walking machine made of thin skin and scanty flesh. Can someone who barely understood love deserve it? Maybe it isn't Mello that I'm unsure of, but myself.

"It's not enough," I found myself saying almost involuntarily. "There's a…" I gripped my shirt at my chest, grimacing, not certain of what I wanted to convey. "a hole…" I forced out, the words strangling me.

Mello placed his hand over mine, his eyes now holding an untroubled smile, a look of comprehension sparkling in them. "It's because you're just taking and not giving," he explained, causing me to furrow my eyebrows. He sighed, the smile disappearing behind a worn expression, "You haven't even told me you love me," he said wanly.

I froze, quickly replaying the events that had taken place in the desolated beach and the times I had spent with Mello before, trying to find any falsehood behind that statement, only to come to a conclusion that it was true. I began nervously playing with my hair, my mind now screaming the same question that was probably going through Mello's head at the moment-Did I love him?

Did I love Mello? I don't know, I…

"You love me, Near," the blonde answered for me, a little smirk of confidence peeking up his lips. "You're just scared, because-" he paused, inhaling and exhaling, "Because I hurt you before. You're scared of getting hurt again, that's why you're afraid of thinking that this is more just than a game." He touched my chin with his thumb, tracing it along my jaw-line, "But I'm going to tell you now, that it is. I love you, and you love me too, this is the truth, this-" he placed my hand over his beating heart, "This is real."

My hand trembled over his chest, feeling his heartbeat quickened from my touch, he held me in place, so that there was no escaping this reality, this sweet paradise. Slowly, he got up, coming over to give me a piggyback ride back to the cabin, abandoning my half completed Mello monument in the sand. I complied, emotionally drained and in need of a good rest.

We entered the room where Mello put me down on the bed to pull his shirt over his head. "Take off your clothes," he ordered, unzipping his pants, making me blush.

"Is it because of the sand?" I asked stupidly, nerves prickling on my skin, I wasn't ready for this, not yet, it's too soon.

He paused, hands on his hips, in only his boxers as he chuckled, "No, because I want to make love."

"Mello, I don't think I can, it still hurts from yesterday," that and the fact that I still wasn't sure if I really love him.

"Don't worry, I won't enter you," he kissed my cheek lightly, loosening my buttons on my shirt. "I just want to show you that this is not a game, for once it's not about who comes first or second," he said, looking seriously into my eyes, "You're not some prize Near, you're the one I love, don't you ever doubt your worth again."

I bit my lip, letting him slide my shirt off my shoulders, my heart pressing against my ribs, welling up with all sorts of emotions that made me feel like fireworks were bursting inside me. I didn't know whether Mello's words were nectar or venom, but it was just what I needed to hear.

He pulled down my pants and underwear, leaving me naked on the pillows as he removed his boxers. Tossing everything aside, he met his lips with mine, I parted my lips, curling my tongue around his, a little more graceful with my movements now that I've grown use to the act. Large hands traveled down my sides, squeezing my butt as he ghosted my entrance which was still sore and red. I stiffened, alarmed at the contact and the fact that Mello might be going back on his word.

I gasped, pulling away, "You said you wouldn't."

"I won't," he mumbled, kissing down my jaw, licking my neck, continuing downward to my nipple. He grazed his teeth over the bud, taking it between his mouth, sucking on it like a pacifier. I panted breathlessly, sweat matting my hair to my face as I tried to suppress my moans.

"Meh-lo," I breathed, watching him go lower till he was hovering over my erection. Heat burnt my cheeks as I realized how close his face was to my penis, his hot breath stimulating my arousal further.

"What.." I began to ask, confused as to what he was doing with his head between my legs. His blue eyes met mine for a brief moment, that smug grin forming on his lips before his tongue darted out, licking the tip of my arousal. All the muscles of my body cringed at once, a surge pulsating from my groin into my veins, blurring out all my thoughts. His wet tongue moved slowly in circles, torturing me with pleasure as he lick down my shaft.

"Mello, ah, no!" I threw my head to the side, subconsciously still unable to properly process what Mello was doing to me, but it felt so sinfully good.

Finally, Mello engulfed me in his mouth, and began bopping his head up and down, sucking hard. I felt like I was going to go insane from all the sensations my brain was receiving, gasping for air as the wet orifice enveloped me. I knotted my fingers into his hair, unable to hold back the urge to push his head down so that he took in more.

Mello pulled away abruptly, coughing and wiping his lips. I looked at him with a worried expression, wondering if I did something wrong. "Not so fast, the fun's just begun," he grinned playfully, picking up the bottle of lube left of the drawer from last night.

I tried to stare at him apathetically, succumbing to the probability that I was going to be very sore tomorrow, Mello had been good to me, I should at least give him something in return, that's how I rationalize it.

Pouring the lube onto his fingers, he began rubbing it on my erection, earning a moan from me, despite being horribly puzzled. Through hooded eyes, I watched him push a lube-covered finger into himself, moving it in and out like he did for me last night. My eyes widened as it became clear to me what he was doing. He pressed a second finger inside, blue eyes shut tight in concentration as a groan escaped his lips. I watched, mesmerized by the way his abdominal muscles tightened when he scissors himself, his toned chest moving up and down as he steadied his breathing, his erection still gloriously stiff.

Blue eyes slid opened, now lusty and misty, removing his fingers as he licked his lips, crawling over me. My heart thumped in anticipation, still calculating the odds that he would actually go through with this. Carefully, he placed the tip at his entrance, sitting down onto my erection, a low moan escaping his lips.

"Near…" he exhaled, adjusting himself. I held my breath, my system short-circuiting from the tightness and warmth around me, suffocating me. He placed his hands at my sides to steady himself, getting up and sitting down again, swallowing my erection.

"Ah! Un-" I moaned helplessly, my ears ringing from the high blood pressure coursing through my body.

"Mhm…" he heaved, going up and down, sweeping me away with the motion. I gripped the sheets, sweat running down my face as I arched my body, thrusting deeper into him.

"Mello! Mello!" I repeated like a chant, as we moved together in sync. The air around us boiled as our voices ricocheted against the walls, our bodies grinding in unison. I was close, so close, but I held back, wanting this to last as long as I could. Mello shut his eyes, throwing his head back, moaning my name as his strong muscle squeezed my arousal. I was surprise by how much he was enjoying it, watching him pleasuring himself on me causing blood to gush to my groin. A few more thrust, and I reached my peak, falling over the edge, my seeds releasing into Mello. He grunted, climaxing soon after, white hot liquid spurting over my stomach.

Exhaling in satisfaction, his muscles relaxed as he came down from his peak, carefully pulling away from me. He lied down on the bed, hugging me next to him and stroking my sweaty hair, planting a chaste kiss on my forehead before we both fell asleep.

The sound of thunder shook me from my sleep, gasping awake to see the rain pouring outside the window, the night sky a frightening shade of black.

"It's okay, I'm here," Mello's voice chimed in the dark, his hand rubbing my back soothingly, making me realize how I was clinging onto him for dear life.

"I was hoping you wouldn't wake up. The weather sucks," he joked. In the dark, I could see the faint outline of his face, his teeth peeking through a grin. Lightning flashed a bright white, I recoiled, burying my face to Mello's side, preparing myself for the next strike.

Thunder deafened my ears, I froze, paralyze with fear, my shaky hands trying their best not to lose their grip on my sole protection. "I-I'm s-sca-red," I stuttered incoherently, teeth clattering together.

"Don't be, there's nothing to be scared of, I told you I'm here," he comforted, holding my hand.

"It's n-not safe," I jittered, thinking about how a typhoon could hit us since we were so close to the beach, I wanted to run but my body wouldn't let me.

A tiny chuckle resonated in the air, Mello's skin vibrating under my fingers, "Nonsense," he laughed it off.

I frown, glaring at him, though I doubt he could see it, "Mello, might I remind you that one third of the tropical cyclones occur within the western Pacific," I deadpanned.

There was a short pause before he tilted his head at me, "What makes you think we're at the Pacific?"

I blinked, giving it some thought. "Where are we exactly?"

He turned away, the hand on my back stopped. "We're together, that's all that matters," he answered, avoiding the subject again.

I opened my mouth, not ready to let the matter go when he interrupted me by climbing on top of me, somehow I was starting to get the feeling that he really liked topping me. "So," he started, low and seductive, "Did you like it?"

"Wha-"

He smirked, licking my earlobe, "What we did earlier, did you enjoy yourself?" he elaborated, dipping his tongue into my ear, tickling me.

My face turned beat red, trying to gulp down the strange noises coming out of my mouth, my heart flipped, are we going to do it again so soon?

"Mel-lo…aren't you sore?" I stammered, blood pooling between my legs again despite my weak protest.

"Hm, perhaps, but you aren't," he said suggestively, "And besides, this is just begging me for more," he grinned wickedly, massaging my growing erection.

And he made love to me again, muting the thunder and the storm raging outside.

Daylight flickered through the leaves, creating kaleidoscopic patterns on our skin. We swung in the hammock, for once doing nothing, thinking about nothing, free from worries, all we had to do was focused on breathing and living, and being together. Mello had his arms around me, lazy blue eyes staring at nothing in particular, taking bites out of a bar of chocolate. I nuzzled close to him, smelling his sweet chocolaty scent, my eyes hypnotized by his every detail.

He smiled sheepishly, seeing me staring at him. "Come here," he invited, guiding my lips to his. I parted my lips, allowing him to slip in his tongue, surprised when chocolate entered my mouth. A hand grabbed the back of my head, pushing me into the kiss. I gasped, trying to respond effectively, moving my tongue around the small piece of chocolate and Mello. We swapped the chocolate back and forth, letting it melt slowly. Finally we finished it, I pulled away, panting for air, feeling lightheaded. A triumphant smirk adorn his face, once again he found something he was better at then me.

"You know Near, there's one thing I don't mind coming second to you," he said, gaining my interest, "Ejaculating."

I gave him an upward glance, showing how cheesed off I was by the topic.

"Aw, come on, there's no need to get defensive," he pouted halfheartedly, obviously pushing my buttons.

"You're being ridiculous," I mumbled, sitting up, trying to put some distance between myself and the intolerable man.

"There's nothing to be shy about," he teased further, running a finger down my spine making me stiffen. "I know it's only because I'm so, hm, skillful in bed."

I flipped around, shooting him a warning glare. He laughed without reservation, one hand on his stomach and one hand gripping his chocolate. I froze, something strange happening to me as his laughter vibrated in my ears, and that's when I knew it.

"I love you," I said, astounded that it took so long to see.

The laughing seized and Mello turned to me, eyes wide. "What did you just say?" he asked uncertainly.

"I love you," I repeated, this time with more assertion.

"Why…" Why now?

"I don't know, I just…I love you," the letters rolled off my tongue.

His surprised expression turned into determination as he got up, taking my hand. "Come on, we're making love. Now." And we did, too many times to count.

The days passed like hours on the mysterious beach, Mello and I had sex with each other more times than I deemed fit for any two human beings, every time our eyes met, we would be so overwhelmed by emotions that the only way for us to keep our sanities would be to connect our bodies. We were one of the same, our bodies integrated into each other, there was no longer a separation in our existence. I wonder if this is what they call paradise, there was no competition, no rivalry, no test scores, no criminals to hunt down, no title to live up to, we were very much in heaven, except one difference, heaven is eternal, this was not, this was just a cheap holographic knock-off, an illusion easily broken, a game well played. I suppose I should've saw it coming, should've seen it from the start, but I was poisoned by a lethal emotion called love, one which leads people to forgo their better judgment and see only what they want to see in their counterpart, and here I thought my higher intellect would decrease the likelihood that I would fall prey to this medieval trap, alas it was my ignorance that eventually caused me the game.

I lay my head over Mello's chest, my ear directly over his heart, silently I counted its beats as I always did after we made love. "I want to stay like this forever," I whispered, wrapping my arms around the blonde.

Mello held his breath, his chest stopping momentarily until he exhaled again slowly. I tried to lift my head to see what had bothered him but he pressed me down so that I couldn't look at his face, causing apprehension to grow within me.

"It's rare to hear your say such arbitrary things Near," his tone was dry, yet there was a hint of malice and sarcasm in his voice.

I pushed his hand away, looking him dead in the eyes, daring him to speak to me like that again. His beady blue eyes that I had forgotten he had looked at me, and the person I fell in love with was gone, and I found myself facing my old rival.

"Is there something Mello finds disagreeable with what I've said?" I returned monotonously, trying to hide the nerves prickling up my spine, angry that I had given away the shift in my emotions by speaking in third person.

A sardonic smirk formed on his lips, "I just find it hilarious that little robot Near actually has desires, or believes in imaginary things like eternity."

The hand in my hair seized their movement, I couldn't breathe, looking at the blonde wondering if he's lost his mind. "What's wrong?" I softened my voice, touching his hand, hoping a different approach would help, "Why are you suddenly saying such things?"

He burst out laughing, slapping a hand on his forehead, "You really have no idea, do you?" he asked, gazing at me with the widest grin I've ever seen, "Did you really think we were going to be like this-forever?" he spat the word out like toxic.

I lowered my eyes, hugging my leg close to my chest so that he couldn't see me shaking. What's happening? I don't understand, I don't want to understand.

"Well, well, what do we have here?" he gripped my chin, making me look up at him, I told myself to breathe and keep calm, maybe it'll go away, maybe this is just a bad dream. "Why are you shaking Near?" he sneered, blue eyes glimmering with thrill. "I didn't think you'd make this so easy," he continued, caressing my face.

I closed my eyes, hot tears rimming my eyes as I finally accepted this reality. "Why?" I steadied myself enough to ask, "Why'd you wait this long?"

"Oh, I think you know the answer to that," he whispered in my ear. I swallowed hard, of course I understood the reason. He had enjoyed himself, watching me throw myself at him, loving him, adoring him, I was under his spell, playing into his hands-he had won.

"Well then, it has been fun while it lasted," he ran his fingers down my exposed chest, "but I have everything I want now," he grinned, pausing a second as a thought occurred to him, "Such a shame though, I really did enjoy myself…maybe just one last time."

The air became still for a brief moment as my eyes turned blank, the momentary bliss that I was lost in wiped out, I took a deep breath and prepared myself. Time trickled, I felt my body turn, the cold wooden floor under my feet which weighed a ton as I tried my best to run for the door. A hand caught me from behind and I tripped, slamming my knees and elbows to the ground.

"Where do you think you're going?" his voice like knives cooed, grabbing my wrists and pinning me down. I struggled, still trying to mask my fear, though I couldn't stop the tears from flowing.

"No Mello, please," I pleaded, despair draining my strength. "Please, you've already won, please, don't hurt me anymore than this."

He held my wrists in one hand and used the other to spread my legs forcefully, his bangs covering his eyes making it impossible to see what was going through his head. "I haven't taken everything yet, but I will," he said seriously, that insane grin on his face gone.

"I can't believe you still carry it around," he said suddenly, pressing his arousal into me.

"Please STOP! Ahh! Stop!" It went in deeper and deeper. "Ngh! Please! Please Mello!" My voice broke, tears streaming down my face, the pain of being raped by the only person I loved splitting me in half.

"I know you keep it under your pillow because you can't sleep without it," he continued, rambling on as he started to move in and out of me.

I grit my teeth in a feeble attempt to muffle my voice, "ngh…uu….mnh…" He violated me slowly, pushing my knees up to his shoulder and forcing himself inside of me. Gradually I stopped fighting back, I stopped crying, lying motionlessly like a corpse on the floor, nothing mattered anymore.

"You should've treated it like a game," he whispered in my ear, his tone indecipherable, I couldn't tell if he was taunting me or was he pitying me.

"W-wha-what h-have I done to make you hate me so much?" I opened my chapped lips, trembling as I spoke. "I haven't done anything! I don't deserve this!" I shouted angrily, trying to get free or at least a punch at him.

He pushed harder, tearing my insides. "AH! Stop it! I hate it! It hurts! Stop!" I thrashed, screaming and kicking with all my might.

"Why the hell did you fall in love with me?" He shouted back fiercely, shattering me one thrust after another.

"Ngh!AHH! Please no more!" I cried, my insides burning and bleeding from how much force he was using.

With one last thrust, he released into me, collapsing on top of me. My eyes widened, vision blurred by tears. No, please no, not there…

Slowly he got up, hands still holding me down and halfway buried inside me. He wasn't moving for some reason, I gasped as I realized why he was hesitating to pull out.

"No, no more!" I begged.

Suddenly the phone rang, surprising both of us. I watched Mello's muscles tensed, wondering what his next move would be. Gradually he removed himself from me and headed for the door, going to answer the phone. I didn't waste another moment, dragging myself to slam the door shut and lock it tight, at least maybe I'll be safe for the night.

The smell of cigarettes seeped into my senses, tiredly I opened my eyes, finding a familiar face on top of me. "Ah!" I pushed him away, backing away to a corner, "D-don't touch me!"

Wide eyes behind orange lens gaped at me, shaking his head. "Shit, it's worst than I thought," he mumbled to himself, cigarette between his teeth.

"Don't come any closer!" I yelled, wrapping my hands around myself protectively, suddenly taking notice that I was clothed.

"Calm down Near, I'm here to help," he said, putting both hands up to show he meant no harm.

I shook my head, "No, leave me alone! I want to go home!" I whined like a child, tears running down my face.

"..ngh…please leave me alone…I want to go back…I don't want to be here anymore…" I repeated over and over, curling up into a ball.

"Damn it Mello…" the redhead scolded, causing me to cringe at the mention of my abuser.

"It's alright Near, I won't hurt you, I'm so sorry for what happened, I can't believe Mello would go this far just to make you leave," Matt sighed, running a hand through his messy hair.

My lips trembled, "W-why did he bring me to this place when he just wanted me to leave?" I hissed furiously.

The redhead averted his eyes, inhaling his cigarette, "Near…" he pressed his fingers to his temple, "Mello didn't bring you here, you came here yourself."

I widened my eyes, "That's a lie!" I answered back quickly.

Matt scratched the back of his head, looking up to the ceiling, "I guess you don't remember," he exhaled, directing his gaze to me, "You died."

"W-wha-" I couldn't manage to finish my sentence, gaping at him in disbelief.

He shrugged, smoking, "You drowned yourself in the sea."

"No…I-I wouldn't…" I tightened my hold on my body, shrinking in size, suddenly the images of foam and bubbles flashed in my mind, I could taste the salt water entering my lungs, asphyxiating me. "No…" I whimpered, "why…"

"Well that," Matt hummed, getting my attention, "Mello seems to think it's his fault, I wonder why that is…" the redhead mused, an eyebrow arched at me.

I cringed, recalling the depression I felt after Mello's death, the loneliness I had to face for the five years after that, the days spent buried in work, one case after another to forget about the pain, the nights I couldn't sleep, staring awake at his photo-the hurt which I hid from the world and myself. Five years, it's a long time, I guess I finally snapped. I just…I just wanted to see him, I missed him so much but he…

"…it's…" I shook, face crumbling, "…I-it's all for nothing…I loved him so much…I-I just wanted to be with him…but h-he hates me…."

Matt sighed, softening his gaze, "It's not like that, trust me when I say this, Mello loves you, more than you know, he just…has a sick, twisted way of showing it," he shook his head, "seriously, I don't know what goes on in his head sometimes."

"Mello doesn't love me, if he did, he wouldn't have…w-wouldn't have…" my voice disappeared, remembering the feeling of being taken on the cold floor.

"He just doesn't want you to die," Matt intervened, "not now, not like this."

I stared emotionlessly at the redhead, somehow his words made sense to me, though I wasn't sure if I could believe them, there's only one way to find out.

"Where's Mello?" I asked frigidly.

A lazy smile formed on the redhead lips, "I'll take you to him."

We arrived at a cliff about a mile from the cabin, Mello stood with his back facing us, looking out at the clouds gathering in the sky.

"Where the hell have you been?" the blonde asked, irritated.

"Sorry Mels, was caught up in something," the redhead grinned sheepishly.

Mello turned, eyes immediately wide when he saw me. "Why are you here?" he seethed, narrowing his eyes.

"How…How could you do it?" I asked, keeping my head down so that he couldn't see my face. Silence filled the gaping void between us. "How could you do that to me? You said you love me!" I shouted, gripping my hands tightly in fists.

"Ha, you're still asking that, I told you it was just a game," He laughed, a conniving smirk on his face.

"You told me you loved me over and over, call out my name every night and even gave yourself to me, all for a game?" I demanded, raising my voice further.

"Yeah that's right, I'm sick enough to do that, so why don't you just run along home before you get hurt even more," he sneered, though there was something in his voice that was beginning to crack.

"I…I'm not going anywhere, I'll stay here and make you regret ever playing me for a fool," I retorted, anger shaking me to the core.

Silence fell, I saw Mello's eyes dart over to Matt with warning. "What the hell did you say to him?" Mello glared at the redhead.

"The truth," Matt shrugged, inhaling his cigarette. "Look Mels, I understand what you're trying to do, but what you did was wrong. You should've seen him before I told him, he wouldn't have lasted very long if we sent him back the way you left him."

Mello clenched his fist, his jaw tightening, I could see the wheels turning inside his head to cope with these unforeseen circumstances.

"Mello," I took a step forward, "Why do you always have to take matters into your own hands?" Step by step I approached him till I was just one step away from him, he didn't move, rigidly planted in his spot.

"Why do you go around in circles with your games?" I gritted my teeth, hitting him lightly on the chest with my fists. "Why'd you come to me that night? Why'd you sent me your picture?" I asked a little louder, tears beginning to fall. "Why did you tell me you love me and…hurt me?" I pounded my fists on his chest harder.

"Why can't you just talk to me?" I shouted, hitting him with more force.

"What's wrong with you? Why can't you be honest?" I hit him over and over, crying my heart out.

He caught my wrists, "What's wrong with me? What the hell is wrong with you? How can you fall in love with me after everything I've done. I lied to you, I abandoned you, I even forced myself on you, what do I need to do to make you forget about me?" he demanded, voice strained.

I cried, wrapping my arms around him, turmoil raging inside me.

"Because of me, you've been suffering alone for five years, I can't let that happen again," he said sadly, stroking my back.

"Then don't, we can just stay here, like we did before, I don't have to go back," I offered, holding him tighter.

Mello tensed, prying himself away from me. "No Near, you have to go back, you're L, you have responsibilities."

"There are others who will take over if I'm gone," I stated blankly.

"I can't accept that," his blue eyes darkened, "I can't accept the N I've lost the title of L to has given up so easily, it would mean that my lost and death had been for naught."

"Mello," I cajoled, twirling a lock of my hair, hoping that he wasn't going to put the competition before our happiness, even in the afterlife.

"I'm sorry Near, I can't be with you, not like this. Go back," he said, closing off other options.

"Please…" I shut my eyes, hoping, praying.

"I'm sorry," he repeated.

Sighing, I opened my eyes, staring into the pools of endless blue. Mello, dear Mello, always full of pride, always unpredictable, impulsive, insufferable and devilish-and yet I find myself falling for him despite his shortcomings, despite the painful memories he has given me, because deep inside, I knew he was the only one who could make this stoic heart of mine beat again and the only one capable of giving me happiness.

Slowly, he guided me toward the edge of the cliff, his hand warm in mine. "I'm sorry Near, for everything I've put you through," he apologized, kissing my cheek. "and I'm so sorry that I'm making you go back," he whispered in my ear, kissing it as well, making me shudder. "I love you."

"You'll regret it," I sniffed, hugging him, "I'll live a long life and solve thousands of cases, I'll surpass the title of L."

He smiled into my ear, "I'm sure when the time comes, you'll tell me all about it and make me regret ever letting you go. I'll be dying with envy and begging at your feet to take me back."

I nodded, tears damping my cheeks, feeling my weight lifted off the ground.

"Bye Near, I'll always love you," his voice rang in my ear as I plummeted into the powerful waves, hitting the rocks at the bottom.

_I gasped, coughing out water, blurry images coming to view. The piercing sound of sirens vibrating my eardrums as I was lifted onto a bed, Roger's voice constantly mumbling next to me, accompanied by others speaking rapidly here and there._

_"Near, thank goodness," Roger smiled, taking my hand._

_I stared at his hand, feeling like I've awoken from a long dream, and for some reason, I've never felt better._

* * *

Hello everyone, I know I've been missing for awhile, never expected this to take 2 weeks to write, and wow is it long, 10,000 words, I'm shocked myself but I think I'm quite pleased with the results. Hooray for the longest one shot ever :P I want to apologize for the rape here, I really don't know how it ended up going down that road, so I'm sorry if anyone's offended, but if you've read my other stories, you'll realize it's sort of my thing. Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy my hard labor, please please leave a comment :)


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